This is not my ceiling
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
