hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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