CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
