Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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