I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
