I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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