I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
