This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
