I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
