Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
