i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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