I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
