Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
