In the future we'll all be gay
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
