tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
