this beer tastes like vomit already
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have post one night stand depression
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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