I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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