you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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