Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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