.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
