omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
