There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
