I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
