Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
