You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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