Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
