today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
