the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
