shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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