i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
