Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
