remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize