I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
