ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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