just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
