i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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