I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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