shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
