Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
