i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just had sex on a roof
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
is that a dick in a sweater?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
