I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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