The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
