Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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