I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
