Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
