i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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