I wish I could teleport
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
