My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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