We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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