I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
