twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
