I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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