Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
