Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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