saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
