playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
