My hand turned me down
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize