I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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