wat bout pragnant strippers??
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
