College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
