But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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