He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
