I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
