If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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