i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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