My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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